


Come, Chip World

by shell



Category: Sex Criminals RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M, This is Chip Zdarsky's fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 22:56:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1281805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shell/pseuds/shell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chip Zdarsky and Matt Fraction have a conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come, Chip World

**Author's Note:**

> So I met Chip Zdarsky at Staple! He said he really wanted Fraction/Zdarsky fic, even more than _Sex Criminals_ fic, so I promised him I would write him some. 
> 
> It probably helps if you're familiar with _Sex Criminals_ or read Fraction's and/or Zdarsky's Tumblrs or Twitters. But I don't think that's necessary to, uh, appreciate the genius of this brilliant piece of fanfiction. But a few things that might help:
> 
>  _Sex Criminals_ is a sex comedy about a couple (Susie and Jon) who can stop time when they have an orgasm. They use this ability to rob banks. In order to save the library where Susie works. It is written by Matt Fraction (real name: Matt Fritchman) and illustrated by Chip Zdarsky (real name: Steve Murray).
> 
> Chip owns a Garfield suit. See here: <http://www.thestar.com/life/food_wine/2013/10/11/lobster_muffins_sandwiches_at_comic_book_launch_in_sex_club.html>
> 
> The stuff about the Staple! Q & A is all basically true. 
> 
> Also, total fiction (as far as I know, anyway!). I ship Fraction/Kelly Sue, for the record.
> 
> Read over by Deenuhh and Aramblingfancy, who also served as cheerleaders. Austin Comics Ladies represent!

"Hey, Chip. How's Austin?" Matt asked. He was a little surprised to hear from Chip that night; he'd figured the guy would either be having too much fun or going to bed early like the crazy-ass Canadian doofus he was.

"I was lied to," Chip said. "I was promised sunshine and warm weather, and I was lied to. Do you know what the temperature is in Austin, Texas, at this very moment? I'll tell you. It is _below freezing._ This is not what I was promised."

"Let me ask you this," Matt said. "What's the temperature in Toronto right now?"

"The fact that it may be twenty degrees colder in Toronto is immaterial. I am in Texas in the spring, and there should be fucking wildflowers, not rain and freezing temperatures." 

"I'm sorry," Matt said diplomatically. "Why don't you put on the Garfield suit? That'll warm you up."

"It's not _that_ cold," Chip said. "They've got the heat cranked, and everyone's bundled up like they're in fucking Siberia. I'm just saying. Wildflowers, Matt. Is that too much to ask?"

"Yes, Chip. Yes, it is," Matt said. "How was the con, anyway?" He and Kelly Sue really should make an effort to get back to Austin soon.

"It's good. Speaking of Garfield, yesterday someone asked me for a sketch of Susie as Garfield. It turned out great; I should have taken a picture of it." 

"You talked about Garfield during the Q & A, didn't you," Matt said. It wasn't a question; Chip talked about the Garfield suit whenever he could.

"I'll have you know someone _asked_ me about it," Chip said defensively. 

"Sure they did," Matt said, thoughts of how he was next going to torture Clint Barton running idly through his mind. David wanted to kick him out of the Avengers, but Matt wasn't sure that would fly--there were only so many times someone could leave the Avengers before it got stale, and Hawkeye was probably long past that point already.

"Just wait until they post the video," Chip said. "I'll prove it. I never even brought up the Jim Davis cover until they asked me about the suit."

"What else did they ask you?" Matt asked, desperate to get Chip onto another subject before he went on at his usual length about the beauty of the proposed Davis-Zdarsky collaboration.

"The first person who asked a question pointed out that I stole from Vonnegut, so that was fun," Chip said. "Apparently I've been Kilgore Trout for years and never even knew it."

"How could you not know that?" Matt said, laughing. "Everyone knows that! You even interviewed yourself, _Steve."_

"Shut the fuck up, Mr. Fritchman," Chip said, but there was no heat in it. "Oh, and guess what? Someone asked about _Sex Criminals_ fanfic!"

"Did she know about any?" Matt asked, perking up. Maybe he shouldn't have assumed it was a woman. But it probably was.

"No, but she promised to write some," Chip said, confirming his suspicion. "I think she said something about a crossover with your Eisner-winning mistress."

"Hawkguy is not my mistress," Matt answered, as he was expected to. "If anything's my mistress, it's our book; just ask Kelly Sue. But back to the fanfic--what's she gonna write? Hey, actually, a threesome with Kate and Susie and Jon would be kind of cool."

"I think she was thinking more along the lines of Hawkguy and Jon, if you know what I mean," Chip said, and Matt could picture the way he was wiggling his eyebrows. "After all, he _did_ experiment in college."

"The last thing Clint Barton needs is to be able to stop time when he comes," Matt said. 

They both paused a moment to contemplate the horror of that scenario.

"Yeah, moving on, what are you wearing?" Chip asked.

"What am I…." Matt shook his head to clear it. So it was going to be one of _those_ conversations. "Okay, I'll play. I'm wearing a red--no, purple--" because Hawkguy "--a purple thong and nothing else, baby. What are _you_ wearing, you gorgeous hunk of manflesh?"

"Nothing but the head from the Garfield suit," Chip said. "I know you that's how you like me best, lover."

"Oh, I'm getting so hard, just picturing you," Matt said, as deadpan as he could, which was pretty fucking deadpan. It was a good thing he made a good straight man (heh--straight man), because that was clearly his role in this relationship.

"Me too, hot stuff," Chip said, his voice breathy. "Purple looks so sexy next to your milky white skin and perfectly manscaped private areas."

Matt tried his best, he really did, but he couldn't stop himself from laughing. 

"Who's the King of the World?" Chip crowed triumphantly. "Who's the undefeated champion? That would be me, Chip Zdarsky slash Steve Murray!"

"Shouldn't that be Chip Zdarsky slash Matt Fraction?" Matt asked.

"Chip slash Matt, yes!" Chip answered. "Now _that_ would make some fine fanfiction. She should write _that_ and send it to us."

 

And so, reader, I did.

END

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me either at [my fannish tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/shellumbo) or [my pro writing tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sbyzmcpherson). Or you can follow either on Twitter: @shellumbo or @sbyzmcpherson. Or both!


End file.
